We are hiring four drivers for the holiday rush. Requirements: valid Claw license, a good sense of direction, and the ability to remain calm when a customer says the word ‘bath.’ Experience with cardboard preferred.
Pay is $22 an hour plus one free fish a week, no questions asked about the fish. Benefits include a warm dashboard, a nap policy that Gus actually respects, and eligibility for the annual Biggest Box award.
Apply at the depot between the hours of noon and 12:30. Bring a reference. A reference can be a former boss, a friend, or a very convincing mouse. Interviews are conducted by Gus, who will mostly just stare.