Category: Our Drivers

After nineteen years and about 600,000 miles, Old Biscuit is retiring. Not the young Biscuit in textiles, the other Biscuit, the gray one with the notch in his left ear. He is moving to a sunny porch in Pebble Falls where he intends to do nothing, professionally.

Over the years Biscuit delivered more than 70,000 parcels and never once complained about the weather. He did complain about the rain, the wind, the snow, and mud. But never the weather itself. We respect that.

A farewell party will be held at Dock 4 on Friday. Cake is a sardine loaf. Please do not bring a dog.

Ditch runs the night shift, and he does not talk much. Last Thursday I asked him about his route. He said, ‘Kitchen to bedroom. Three AM. Full speed.’ That was the whole answer.

Here is what we know. The load is one live toy mouse and a rolled sock. The route covers 42 feet of hardwood, one staircase and a hallway rug that is known to bunch. Ditch makes the trip in under four seconds, screaming the whole way, and he always arrives with the load intact.

The customer, asleep at the time, has filed zero complaints. We take that as five stars. Night service is available on request at $19 flat.

Marla has driven for us for six years and used up three of her nine lives, all on the Interstate 70 grade outside Pebble Falls. She will tell you about it. She will tell you at length, over the radio, while you are trying to get a delivery window.

What you need to know: Marla has logged 412,000 miles without a single lost parcel. She keeps a thermos of cold milk on the dash and a rubber mouse for luck. She also eats the lunch of any driver who leaves one unattended, so guard your sandwiches.

Marla is on the Midland run. Say hello on channel 7. She will answer eventually.